Seriously, Dude. Seriously.
When folks start to talk about how much better things used to be back whenever - last year, last decade, last century - it's easy to cite examples of how they're romanticizing the past based on foggy, or fallacious information. As a woman, especially, I'm thrilled to live in this great age of women doctors, access to credit, freedom to travel and the ownership of my uterus. Heck, as recently as the 1970s it was difficult for 
chix to get a home loan without a man to co-sign for them. That's not what this post is about though and I've got a whole other rant about Hilary Clinton "protecting" me from "predatory" lenders for another time!
There were some good things about the"good old days," and the photo at the right is an illustration of what I perceive to be a down side of this wondrous modern age: Shamelessness.
Sure, we've all been brought up to consider shame a bad thing - and when undeserved it can shatter one's self-esteem. However, in an unfortunate convergence of alienating modern technology with a societal pro-self-esteem overreaction - thanks, Boomers - against the repressive "good old days," we've almost succeeded in eliminating shame altogether. I think we're failing to acknowledge its more useful applications. For one thing, shame is an acknowledgment of our having done something wrong. It indicates empathy for our fellow humans, reminding us that we may have hurt someone unnecessarily. Sometimes we deserve to be ashamed.
Seriously, Dude. Seriously. Since when is it OK to hand some poor working stiff a boxful of books that look like this one and ask him to give you money in return?! Since when is it OK to act surprised when they chuckle at you for being so ignorant. Maybe you should pull your cellphone off your left ear, and your iPod off your right, and pay attention to the social cues around you. The cues we've been ignoring because it might affect our self-esteem if we noticed how much we hurt others with our disregard.
Is self-esteem a zero-sum game? If you have it, must it come at the expense of others'?
Looking through the rose-colored glasses it seems that back in the day, when we all had to live in the same space-time continuum as our neighbors, folks were quite a bit more polite. Pass laws forbidding or condoning behaviors all day long (and we do!), but ultimately they're unenforceable. What really gets people to modify their behavior is a little censure by the people immediately around them. Kids do this in typically hamhanded kid fashion: Fail to attend to your personal hygiene? Better clean up or be known until the end of time as Senor Stinkypants. Adults can be a little more subtle. Ever wonder why you never get invited to the hot tub parties? Yup. You're stinky.
Adults and kids can both overreact. Shove an opponent a little too passionately on the basketball court? Cut someone off too aggressively? That's bad manners. You should be ashamed. Also, someone is going to shoot you.
Go ahead, don't be shy. Is someone being a thoughtless asshole? Maybe they just don't realize it. You'd be doing them a favor to mention it. Nicely, of course. There's no need to compound the problem by being mean. You know who doesn't feel ashamed, don't you? Sociopaths.
chix to get a home loan without a man to co-sign for them. That's not what this post is about though and I've got a whole other rant about Hilary Clinton "protecting" me from "predatory" lenders for another time!There were some good things about the"good old days," and the photo at the right is an illustration of what I perceive to be a down side of this wondrous modern age: Shamelessness.
Sure, we've all been brought up to consider shame a bad thing - and when undeserved it can shatter one's self-esteem. However, in an unfortunate convergence of alienating modern technology with a societal pro-self-esteem overreaction - thanks, Boomers - against the repressive "good old days," we've almost succeeded in eliminating shame altogether. I think we're failing to acknowledge its more useful applications. For one thing, shame is an acknowledgment of our having done something wrong. It indicates empathy for our fellow humans, reminding us that we may have hurt someone unnecessarily. Sometimes we deserve to be ashamed.
Seriously, Dude. Seriously. Since when is it OK to hand some poor working stiff a boxful of books that look like this one and ask him to give you money in return?! Since when is it OK to act surprised when they chuckle at you for being so ignorant. Maybe you should pull your cellphone off your left ear, and your iPod off your right, and pay attention to the social cues around you. The cues we've been ignoring because it might affect our self-esteem if we noticed how much we hurt others with our disregard.
Is self-esteem a zero-sum game? If you have it, must it come at the expense of others'?
Looking through the rose-colored glasses it seems that back in the day, when we all had to live in the same space-time continuum as our neighbors, folks were quite a bit more polite. Pass laws forbidding or condoning behaviors all day long (and we do!), but ultimately they're unenforceable. What really gets people to modify their behavior is a little censure by the people immediately around them. Kids do this in typically hamhanded kid fashion: Fail to attend to your personal hygiene? Better clean up or be known until the end of time as Senor Stinkypants. Adults can be a little more subtle. Ever wonder why you never get invited to the hot tub parties? Yup. You're stinky.
Adults and kids can both overreact. Shove an opponent a little too passionately on the basketball court? Cut someone off too aggressively? That's bad manners. You should be ashamed. Also, someone is going to shoot you.
Go ahead, don't be shy. Is someone being a thoughtless asshole? Maybe they just don't realize it. You'd be doing them a favor to mention it. Nicely, of course. There's no need to compound the problem by being mean. You know who doesn't feel ashamed, don't you? Sociopaths.
posted by EggOfTheDead at 10:54 PM
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